The Stirring Within

Have you ever wanted something so badly, it’s almost hard to breathe when you think about not having it? A deeply seeded goal to create, to take action, to move forward is buzzing inside you. Buzzing with excitement, with hope, with determination to exist outside of your mind and into your reality. An “oops! I drank one too many coffees this afternoon kind of buzz”. Like a caffeine high.

This is how I feel about my desire, hope, and dream to foster an active bad-ass community of women who are on a mission to re-frame - an active way of being to live in the present and live a FULL life (whatever that means to her) by taking action. And taking action even in the face of self-doubt, so her passions and goals may be realized.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting tens of other women just like me, who desire something more. Many want to start soulful and purpose-driven businesses and careers, work that really lights them up. It’s usually not the career they went to college for or have spent the last 4-8+ years investing in. It’s the one thing we always come back to. It’s the thing we read over, and over, and over again across the pages of our journals and the thing we find ourselves talking about when someone asks what we would do with our lives if money wasn’t a factor.

What I hear time and time again (and what I experienced over the past three-ish months) is the immense weight self-doubt can hold over us and stop us in taking action towards what we want. The self-doubt that shows up as:

  • Fear

  • Limiting beliefs

  • Comparison

  • What-ifs (like 2,357,349,673,467 “what-ifs”)

  • Worst case scenarios

  • The harsh and mean inner-critic

  • The scarcity mindset

  • The tears

All this self-doubt does is keep us stuck, scared and in the same spot. I’m speaking from experience here. And who wants that? Not me. And not any other powerful, loving, determined, growth-minded woman out there. So what’s a gal to do when she has this vibrant dream living inside her, yet self-doubt seems to always win?

We share.

We share with our trusted circle and show up with the vulnerability of where we actually are right now. Not where we should be or could be. We stop pretending and stop hiding behind the belief that we have to have it all together.

And by no means is this easy. But the funny thing about sharing? Sharing takes power away from self-doubt, fear, limiting beliefs, and the what-ifs. It gets us out of our head and places distance between “the story” (aka ALL the lies) we’ve been telling ourselves and the actual truth of how freaking capable we are.

Case in point, I’ve been sharing more and more over the past few weeks with my people (and the internet) about the self-doubt that exists right now. I’m finding so much power in sharing because it’s giving me the confidence and clarity that I need to keep taking action (baby steps) towards my dream of building a community and my own mindset coaching business. Even if the self-doubt is lingering, I’m telling it to go CHILL OUT and sit in the corner. My dreams and my desires to live presently with ease and joy, and make an impact on this world with my work are so, so much bigger than that pesky “S-D word”.

Remember, we are always, always more capable than we ever think we are.

Elise TelfordComment
[In] and [Out Of] Your Control
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Wouldn’t it be great if we could control every little thing in our lives?

  • The “fires” clients always need put out yesterday.

  • The jack@$$ who cut over three lanes to make his exit, nearly plowing into you in the process, giving you shooting pains of fear through your chest to start your day.

  • The unpredictable work schedule of your S.O./husband, giving you two weeks to buy those plane tickets home for the holidays.

Oh yeah, those are the things we can’t control. Yet, we find ourselves spending way too much energy and hours of our time worrying and thinking we can.

This week’s post is here to help stop the madness! I present to you an easy, yet super simple exercise to bring you peace, breather a little easier, and most importantly, help give you back your power.

It’s called the ‘OOC List’ (inspired by the Daily Shine).

This bad boy completely transformed my mindset and energy this past Monday. To be honest, I woke up simply not feelin’ it and drained for the day ahead that hadn’t even started yet. I just wanted drink my coffee, read for hours, go to the beach and play hooky! Well, instead, I put my big girl pants on and tried out a new tool in my Re•Frame toolkit.

Here’s the gist of the ‘OOC List’:

  • List out things that are OUT OF YOUR CONTROL (traffic, your boss/coworker’s attitude, your friend forgetting about your dinner plans, etc.)

  • List out things that are IN YOUR CONTROL (your mindset, the food you put into your mouth, the people you surround yourself with, etc.)

Seems too simple, right?

I saw first hand that looking at what you can and can’t control face-to-face on a piece of paper (outside of our head) can actually make us feel like we have more control. It’s easy to keep our thoughts to ourselves, swirling around in our head where they take on a life of their own.

Seeing the list of things I actually and literally cannot control helped me detach from the death grip I had on them. I was able to detach from the ridiculous expectation that I somehow could control other people’s actions or emotions or way of being.

The next time you feel utterly overwhelmed or stuck or simply feel like shutting down because of the stress of other people or your own expectations, I challenge you to make an ‘OOC List’. What happened? How do you feel? I’m hopeful you were able to feel peace and breathe a little easier, just like I did.

This ‘OOC List’ isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. It’s the perfect two-minute exercise to bring us back to reality, try on a new perspective, and be the powerful women we are.

Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash

Elise TelfordComment
Quieting the [Other] Voices
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“Do you have a business plan mapped out?”

“Are you sure you want to start dating again so soon after your divorce?”

“But will your partner support you traveling and working abroad 6,000 miles away?”

Do those questions sound familiar? The questions from loved ones and friends. Well-intentioned loved ones and friends who want to offer their help, support, and perspective, but somehow really miss the mark.

This has been very present for me lately. When we desire REALLY BIG things in our life, it’s often hard for others to understand or relate. They want to support us and most often than not, they genuinely do. But the problem with support is, it can also bring with it a slew of outside questions, thoughts, and opinions.

More questions arise…”should I?”, “what if?”, and “maybe they’re right?” Poof!…self-doubt now exists where it didn’t before.

My response to that?

F*ck that noise. That noise wasn’t born from our own heads and hearts, it was placed there.

So the burning question is, how do we quiet the voices that aren’t our own?

We close our eyes, take a deep breathe (or maybe ten) and re-connect with ourselves, our mission, and the whole purpose of why we’re committed to bringing our big desires into our reality.

Why we’re committed to building the purpose-driven business, opening our hearts to a new relationship, or having the confidence to explore working and living 6,000 miles away.

A magic pair of earmuffs don’t exist (yet) to quiet the voices, opinions, and words of others, no matter how well-intentioned they may be. So, it’s up to us. Just like it’s up to us, to believe and take massive action towards what sets our hearts on fire, it’s up to us to make our mission and purpose louder than the other outside voices.


WEEKLY RE•FRAME CHALLENGE

I’m a visual person, so my weekly challenge often incorporates writing or journaling. Words are deeply powerful and the more I see something, the truer it becomes.

  1. Grab a piece of paper and write down all the words, phrases, questions, and opinions you’ve heard from other people about your life and goals. Get it all out. Fill up the paper.

  2. Now go find matches or a lighter in your junk drawer and light that baby on fire. As the flames consume the paper, let those words, phrases, questions, and opinions that are not yours, go. Let it all go.

  3. Write down WHY you’re committed to turning this deep desire into your new reality. This can be done on a fresh piece of paper, a Post-it, or you can even create a custom laptop or smartphone background image using a free tool like Canva.

  4. Place your WHY somewhere where you’ll read it every single morning and night for the next 30 days. This will serve as your reminder that your WHY is all that matters and not the other voices.


Have you started the weekly challenge? Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear about your experience.

Elise TelfordComment
Dear Predictable, It's Over
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Predictability. Routine. Familiarity.

It’s the solid 5-day-a-week gym routine, attending the bi-weekly networking event to stay competitive and develop new relationships, and the weekly Blue Apron stay-at-home date night with our S.O.

These activities feel really nice and cozy…for awhile. Schedules are brimming, the productivity boxes are being checked, and the relationship/career/love tanks are feeling full. But yet…something feels like it’s missing, right?

I know that feeling because I’ve been there. Exactly in your predictable (size 7.5 tan-colored suede booties with a 2.5-inch heel) fall-ready shoes.

That “something missing” starts as a small itch. Scratch it and it’ll be satiated, but usually it’ll come back as an even bigger area to scratch away at. I believe we can crush that “something missing feeling” with small (yet powerful) actions called new experiences.

Shake. it. up! Erase those boxes. Turn those tanks upside down.

Commit to that 4-week training intensive that will level-up your fitness routine. Invite your dream mentor that you’ve been internet stalking for the past 5 months to coffee. Book that Saturday day trip up the coast to surprise your S.O. (just because).

New experiences and new actions often lead to new mindsets and discovering something new about ourselves. Taking ourselves out of the predictable allows us to see and read a whole new chapter when we’ve been stuck reading the same page, over and over.

I know that new experiences light us up. We crave them. They foster growth and make us feel a new-level of aliveness! And then life happens. Work gets really stressful, a loved one gets sick, we get overwhelmed with always giving ourselves to others and just want relax in our free time. We can also get stuck by self-doubt and questioning why we should change anything at all if nothing is “broken”. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.

That’s where we need to challenge ourselves to press “pause”. We have to remind ourselves how that new experience makes us feel.

Let’s take some time to tap back into how you felt during your last couple new experiences.


WEEKLY RE•FRAME CHALLENGE:

  1. Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and reflect for 5 minutes about the new experiences you’ve had over the past 6 months.

  2. Place yourself back into those experiences and how you felt. Did you experience the feelings of joy, love, self-expression, gratitude, serenity, or inspiration? What were you doing? Who were you with?

  3. Answer this question: what did you discover about yourself after completing these new experiences?

  4. Now go grab your journal or phone and write down 3 new experiences you’re committed to completing over the next 3 months and how you’ll fee after completing them.

  5. BONUS: Look at your calendar and schedule those three new experiences. Commit today, right now. A powerful win for today.


Sorry predictability, it’s over.

Photo by Paul Trienekens on Unsplash

Elise TelfordComment